Dirtville, USA
by Space Mercutio
Summary: "Are you trying to hurt me?" Ryoji Kaji must convince himself that he loves Misato. The worst part is, she's starting to believe he doesn't. AU: Set in New Mexico instead of Japan.


Kaji checked his watch. Only a few more minutes now.

 _Baywatch_ was on. It would be sorely missed, but it was a rerun. It wasn't like he was sober enough to enjoy it. Sighing, he turned the TV off, screwed the cap back on his beer, and got up from his dingy couch. Misato was coming his way, and he couldn't look shabby.

If there was a word that described Kaji's house, it was trashy for sure. Also, it was supposed to be an apartment building. However, money flowed more like dried tar than like water in these parts of New Mexico. Therefore, the builder had stopped after making three rooms and decided he would like his paycheck, thank you very much.

Kaji had never met this builder, but he had quite the illustrious (read: _imaginary_ ) history. The builder, named Daniel Alvarado, had wanted all his life to marry a woman from Guatemala, called Juana. But Juana was poor, poorer than he was, and he would have to work like the dickens to support the both of them. So, he managed to scrape together enough money to fly to Chicago, where he would take Juana in once he was able to support her there. Truly the American dream.

 _Well,_ Kaji thought, _he'd better be in Chicago._

Because no matter how tragic Dan's love story was, if Kaji ever saw him around these parts, Dan was never going to see his Juana again. Served him right for deciding this home was suitable for human life.

The doorbell rang.

Kaji cursed Dan one more time for good measure and ran to the pantry to get some wine. He wouldn't be able to hide his beer or the smell of it from Misato. If he was lucky, she would pretend she didn't notice. Maybe the heat from outside would mask the odor.

Running a hand quickly through his ever-growing hair, he opened the door.

"Hey," he said. She was stunning as usual. He was pretty sure this was proof he could feel love, but he still wasn't sure. Ever since Dan had come into his life, he had been feeling lacking in the love department.

"Hey," she echoed. She smiled a little. "You're missing _Baywatch_."

"Babe, I would miss _Seinfeld_ for you."

"Our love is worth just _Seinfeld_ to you?"

"Alright, _Seinfeld_ and _Boy Meets World_."

"Oh, careful, you're stepping into obsession territory there."

Kaji laughed and stepped out of the door frame. "Come on in. Want anything to drink?"

"Heck no. You're soused. If anything, I should keep the alcohol as far away from you as I can."

"I am _not_ soused!" Kaji said, feigning indignation. "I only had one beer. You don't even know what 'soused' means."

"I know, I know," Misato grinned. "I just wanted to get the affirmations of alcohol out of the way, before the wedding of wine." She finally followed him into the house.

"So how's life treating you?" Kaji asked. "I heard some things about jobs, but not much."

"Multiple jobs, actually," Misato said, scouring his cabinets for whatever reason. "This current one, I get to...work with animals. Animal testing," she grimaced.

"Okay, I don't mean to change the subject, but why exactly are you looking in my cabinets? The wine is right here. Alone and sad. Its family is gone and it just wants to be drank."

"Well, I'm not going to drink it out of the bottle," she scoffed, brandishing two cups.

"Oh. Right," he agreed.

Misato sat down. Finally, he could get a good look at her eyes. They were the same eyes he had loved just months ago, in college. It had seemed like so long without her.

Maybe the alcohol was getting to him. _The_ one _beer, you mean_. Okay, maybe it was the heat. It was hot out...but then, it was always hot out. Still, a few months wasn't that long to be away.

 _For the love of Pete, you don't have to rationalize this. You_ love _her!_

 _I think._

He suddenly became aware that he was being spoken to. He perked up. "Huh?"

"I asked what you've done since college," Misato said.

"Oh! Oh, you know. Dan left me with an awful house. Legal business is rough."

If there was one thing he couldn't tell her, it was his business. Being a spy was no fun, but as much as he'd like to groan about it for a while with her, he couldn't mention any of it on pain of death.

"Legal business? You certainly don't seem to have tried very hard to go big." Misato was giving him a strange look. She hadn't asked about Dan either. Something was wrong.

"You know what they say-" he started.

"Yeah. Go big or-"

"Go home. Yeah, I went home. Albequerque isn't so bad once you start wearing 300 SPF on the regular," he finished, smiling a little. The smile, however, faded as soon as he saw her look down and frown. "What is it, babe?"

Then she looked up. "You're not drunk enough yet. I have to tell you when I know you can't remember."

 _Uhh...what?_

"What are you trying to say?" he asked, half intrigued and half worried.

Something was seriously worrying Misato.

Instantly he felt a kind of cynicism coming on. _Does it worry you, Kaji? Are you sure you can feel love?_

 _What is really worrying me? Is it Misato? Or am I worrying about not worrying about Misato?_

 _Also, my head hurts. I definitely should not have had a drink._

Now it was Kaji's turn to look away. He was definitely sweating, too.

 _How the heck are you supposed to know when you love someone? What if I never feel it? What if I'm doomed to live and die without loving anyone?_

Kaji laughed nervously. "It sure is hot in here. Stupid Dan never put AC in here. I mean, most of it is you. Uh. You're hot."

 _What am I saying?_

To his surprise, Misato grabbed him by the tie and pulled him closer to her, across the table. "Hey, you're lucky I don't own any candl-"

She was kissing him.

Okay, he loved her.

It was for real.

* * *

 _Alright, now it's time for the home stretch._

The kiss had lasted for a few minutes. Eventually they had to pull away for air, at which time Misato let go of his tie. Kaji fell against the wall. He wanted to kiss again.

Misato stopped him, holding up a hand.

"What's the matter?"

"Okay, this just can't wait a few more drinks anymore. Kaji?" she asked, like a mug about to overflow.

"What?"

"Do you love me?"

His fears would always come back one day or another. They wouldn't truly go away. But he knew that right here, right now, he did.

"Always, babe-"

"Then why don't you _try_ to show it?" she said helplessly. "It's always been my dream to get out of New Mexico and do something amazing since I met you. Get over what happened to me in Antarctica. And yet, every time I come to see you, you're always the person who reminds me exactly what I left and why I left it."

Kaji sank a little into the wall.

"I'm sorry," Misato said. "That was harsh."

"Keep going," Kaji said. _If I can prove to myself that I love her, I can prove to her that I love her. But I have to hear what she has to say._

Misato sighed. "Okay...what have you done to get out of here? What have you done? Do you like it here? You just like to sit here, in these city walls, and maybe invite your girlfriend over every now and then because you don't have enough money to come see me? Maybe if your legal work got you a paycheck-"

"-Honey, it's not like that-"

"-Oh my gosh. I just figured it out! You're unemployed!" She was getting exasperated.

"I am _not_!" he insisted.

"I think you're trying to hurt me." She was fuming.

"I would _never_."

"Then you do love me?"

"Of course!" he said, hoping furiously that this girl, this love of his, would just _believe_ him-

"Then convince me."

He clutched at her, pulled her close. Kissed her. The best, most sincere kiss of his life. He hoped she could feel it, too.

"Did that convince you?" he asked quietly.

 _Please, please, please-_

"I...don't know."

And she picked up her things and left. The New Mexico sun had not yet disappeared. _Baywatch_ would be on again, right after one episode of _Seinfeld_.

A shimmering, uncertain sunset was taking shape. A rainstorm would be on the way. After that there would be a rainbow. Of that Kaji was 100% assured.

As for his own situation, that was another matter. It was going to stay partly cloudy for a long time.


End file.
